Friday, November 9, 2012

Holding on to gains (loses)

I weighed in this morning.

228!

That means despite these last three weeks of terrible eating, I didn't even gain back all the weight I lost. I kept some of it off, only 2 pounds. But I am still really happy with that result. I have been getting back into the habit of counting calories, even the "bad" calories, or foods I splurged on. I will post a few days  of what eating and counting calories looks like after the weekend.

I also have a goal of doing one job application today. Just one. Baby steps.

 Applying for jobs has been causing me a ton of anxiety. I am not sure what I am scared of. I mean, I know a few things I am scared of, but they didn't use to cause me so much anxiety, and was much easier to overcome. I don't like meeting new people in this fat body. I am scared of going in for interviews and not getting the job, scared of how tired I will be working full time again. I am scared of getting a job and not knowing what the hell I am doing! Being home all the time has just caused these fears to get worse and worse. This has contributed to my bad eating, and my bad eating makes me get even more anxious and mad at myself.

So, just one job application today. Got get back into it. Bleck!

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