Phone interview for a temporary customer service job, just through the holidays.

Yay?

I am so nervous. I am not usually nervous for interviews, I am great at talking and pretty much know what they want to hear. Is is just because I haven't worked in five months?

Getting a job might really motivate me. It also creates a schedule in my days, that will help with eating.

My partner and I are focused on working out this week, three times, Tue, Wed and Fri. Even though Thanksgiving is this week, we want to stay healthy. We will both feel better if we set this little goal and then accomplish it.  It has also been very gray and rainy here, so we haven't even been walking much, and we need the workout. Keep away the S.A.D.

Holding on to gains (loses)

I weighed in this morning.

228!

That means despite these last three weeks of terrible eating, I didn't even gain back all the weight I lost. I kept some of it off, only 2 pounds. But I am still really happy with that result. I have been getting back into the habit of counting calories, even the "bad" calories, or foods I splurged on. I will post a few days  of what eating and counting calories looks like after the weekend.

I also have a goal of doing one job application today. Just one. Baby steps.

 Applying for jobs has been causing me a ton of anxiety. I am not sure what I am scared of. I mean, I know a few things I am scared of, but they didn't use to cause me so much anxiety, and was much easier to overcome. I don't like meeting new people in this fat body. I am scared of going in for interviews and not getting the job, scared of how tired I will be working full time again. I am scared of getting a job and not knowing what the hell I am doing! Being home all the time has just caused these fears to get worse and worse. This has contributed to my bad eating, and my bad eating makes me get even more anxious and mad at myself.

So, just one job application today. Got get back into it. Bleck!

Great Inspiration for the Holidays

I have been reading other weight loss blogs for inspiration.

Fit the Finish is a great blog, I really respect Diane Carbonell, she is a busy mom who had been overweight for a very long time. She managed to lose the weight in a healthy way. She has also kept it off since 1998.

She wrote a good post about making the most of the rest of the year. Instead of being afraid and stressed out about the coming holiday (which I am already, about family issues and food issues)  she encourages you to go into the season with goals and a plan.

Here is the post: http://www.fittothefinish.com/blog/2012/11/the-next-60-days-can-be-amazing/

Emotional eating

I really didn't think that emotional eating was a problem for me. I knew that I did eat when I was emotional. But I thought that it was totally under my control and I could stop whenever I wanted. Turns out this is more of an issue than I had thought it was. That is why I put those six pounds right back on, and then avoided blogging because I was embarrassed. When I am emotional I want to eat food that tastes good, not always junk food. I also lose the willpower to cook. That is a big one. If I can find the resolve to cook something that will satisfy me, it is often healthier than what I might buy. I gave up counting calories the last few weeks as well, and quit weighing myself, since I knew I bounced right back up to 230 like I always do.

So.

I think I am doing better. Talking about it in a way that is supportive and creative helps. Usually my inner critic gets very loud, and then I feel worse, and want to eat more. I also start the cycle where I have a bad day, so the next day doesn't matter, and I don't work out or eat well. Instead of beating myself up I need to remember that every healthy meal or workout does count. I can build on those good experiences.

My kitchen has been super messy, my partner and I finally have all the dishes done. But the fridge is empty. So for the me the first step is buying some healthy food that I know I like. The other goal is to start counting calories again, even if I am way over my goal.